Charlotte Maree - how she came to be...

Charlotte's only been here a very short time but already has captured our hearts completely. Through the sweet mercies of the Lord, there's an entire telling of how she came to be, but the feelings involved in that story are so tender and close to my heart, I feel they are sacred and shouldn't really be shared in a public setting. I've already typed them up and set them aside with Charli's "special things" for her to someday read and hopefully treasure as deeply as I do. However, I did want to document her birth story.

So here's the "joyful ending" to the story

of how she arrived into our family...

Monday, January 16th:

• Mid-morning had a doctor's appointment at 37 1/2 weeks. Dilated to 4 centimeters. Because of the boys' [scary] fast arrivals, Dr. Farley feels it would be prudent to have me check in on my own sometime in the next 4 days before I dilate much more. I'm not sure how I feel about it...I'd like to wait until I absolutely know it is time, but must admit I'm getting nervous "the time" might occur when Brett isn't around to be of immediate help. I stew about it all day, wondering what is the best decision for the baby.
• 10:00 p.m. I start to feel different, but still am not sure if we should go in. I can't describe the "different" feeling - I guess just more pressure, like the baby has lowered, but since I wasn't having strong, regular contractions still didn't know if this was true labor or not.
• 11:00 p.m. Finally decide we should go in. Grandma Dixie is called to come be with the kids and we head up to Layton shortly thereafter.

• Just shy of MIDNGIHT we check in at Davis Hospital. It's a good thing we did because my dilation has changed from a 4 to 6 and I'm 90% effaced. They ask if I want an epidural and I really don't, especially if things are going to go as fast as the boys' deliveries. It's now Tuesday, January 17th.
• Right away they broke my water. THAT was an experience none of us will forget anytime soon, medical staff included! I think I set a record for amniotic fluid. It just kept gushing and gushing and gushing. Nurses kept running back to the cabinet for more towels. Honestly, it sounded like a faucet was running. Just when you thought "OK, that's got to be all there is" you'd be surprised that it still wasn't done. We all had a good laugh about it afterwards because seriously, it was a TON of liquid! It was all over the floor, the nurse's shoes, you name it. Noah and the flood, that's what it felt like. I barely looked pregnant afterwards...you can ask Brett if you don't believe me. My abdomen had shrunk from a big round belly to this small little bump! It was quite the conversation piece for the rest of the delivery, especially when a new nurse would come in and inquire about the giant pile of wet towels overflowing from the laundry bin!
• 1:30 - I was hoping to avoid an epidural, mostly because I hate the process of getting one and because the two deliveries I didn't have one I felt I healed faster. However, after 90 minutes of intense contractions with only about 30 seconds or so between them, the doctor checks me and I'm still at only a 6. Obviously this isn't going to happen as fast as we'd all thought (most likely because she is posterior). I opt for the blessed Epidural.
• 2:30 - Epidural time! Man, I HATE getting those! But when it's over I enjoy some much-needed relief after only 10 minutes!
  
  
• 3:15 - @ an 8 and for the most part not feeling too much, except tired. (Even my doctor looks tired. Poor guy!)
• 3:40 - Dr. Farley leaves the room to do some paperwork. The nurses are out in the hall also. Suddenly, I feel a "pop" and panic - was that the head crowning??? Brett frantically calls doctors and nurses back into the room where they discover the popping sound was the head passing the catheter bulb as she moved down the birth canal. It won't be long now and it's time to prepare for the end. Everyone gets ready for her arrival!
• 3:45 - Pushing begins. I can't feel a thing so it's hard to know if I'm pushing correctly and if my effort is effective at all. Three pushes and I'm told to stop - Charlotte is posterior and the cord is wrapped lightly around her neck.
• 3:55 - One more big push and she's here!
  
  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
  I'm so relieved and so emotional I don't even realize the placenta has been delivered and I'm being stitched up. My only thoughts are that "It's her!" It's the child I knew needed to be here and fought so hard to get here! The special little spirit the Lord was trying to tell me about over two years ago.

It seems surreal that everything has come full-circle and she's finally here with our family

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

7 pounds 8 ounces, 20 1/2 inches long

(depending on who you talk to!)

We're so in love!

Best doctor I've ever met in my life.

When I think about how much he cares, how capable he is, and how lucky I am to have him as my doctor, it honestly brings tears to my eyes. That probably sounds silly and over-dramatic to some, but it means a lot to have a physician you can trust without hesitation, who you know has your absolute best interest in mind, and who shares the same values you do. He has never made me feel foolish or a burden - I'm very, very grateful to have someone like Dr. Farley on my side for moments like this.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After being up all night, and from the great emotions we felt, everyone involved was exhausted. It was great to finally rest, knowing we had Charlotte to wake up to!

The next day, her billirubin levels were lower than we felt comfortable with, so she spent the next week on lights, some at the hospital and some at home with a billibed and billiblanket. Some babies really fight the lights, but Charli was a champ! In fact, I think the white noise from the machine actually made her sleep better! We were very relieved when her numbers dropped back down to a more comfortable level and we could snuggle with our princess anytime we liked!

meeting our new sister...

After the kids got out of school on the 17th, Brett brought them up to see me - well, not me as much as someone else. Someone they'd been thinking and dreaming and imagining about since summertime, and she was finally here!

They brought with them a beautiful pink bouquet and the sweetest card:

I thought it was cute how everyone was sitting on the couch or chair, but as soon as Daddy got baby sister out of the bassinet and sat down in the rocker, everyone jumped out of their seats and just "had" to stand close to get a better look! Charli was only hours old and already drawing crowds!

They were just as enamored with her as we were!

3 Years, 1095 Days, 26284 Hours, or 1577040 Minutes...

No matter which way you say it,

time has gone by far too quickly.

It was that short blink-of-an-eye ago when my third baby came into this world after a whirlwind delivery--something out of the movies, with panic, chaos in the hospital room, and him coming so fast I worried no one would be at the other end to catch him (a nurse finally paid attention to my "he's coming!" screams and stepped onto homeplate in the nick of time).

my christmas baby

I woke early this morning with that memory on my mind. As inconvenient as it is to have a child with a birthday so close to the visit from Santa, I'll always be grateful for the opportunity to be pregnant during the Christmas season.

That year it took on new meaning for me. How could it not? How could I help but reflect upon another young woman who came thousands of years before me, who was also expecting a son? My mind wandered often to the similarities and differences between her experience and mine. Had she cradled her belly often with her arm, singing to her unborn child, as I liked to do? Had Joseph wept at the sight of the newborn babe, kissing the sweat from Mary's brow, as my husband did? How blessed I felt to be giving birth in a sterile, clean environment, surrounded by medical professionals, ready to help my child take his first breath--which, by the way, seemed to take forever--instead of being forced to lay in a bed of hay, without the comfort of having one to help me who had "done this before"! And on top of her anxieties regarding the birth itself, she was burdened with the knowledge that she was to raise the Son of God, the Redeemer of all mankind. Yes, Christmas of 2006 changed forever my perspective of the birth of Christ--I saw differently what Mary may have felt, anticipated, feared, but also how she must have loved. There was much in her life I could only imagine, but when it came to the love for her child, that, at least, I think I could understand, because I felt it, too, for my own little one.

Carson was due January 2nd, 2007, but was showing signs that he planned to arrive earlier--which was good for several reasons: A) what pregnant mother doesn't want to be unpregnant sooner, B) we'd already met our deductible for 2006 and it sure helped us out to not have to pay another one so soon in 2007, and C) my parents were in town and I wanted so much to share those first days of a baby with them. The timing was forecasting more and more that I would deliver either on Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning, so my heart ached to think I might not be home for the traditional parade down the stairs with my other two children, to see their faces light up as they saw the surprises Santa would leave them.

At exactly midnight, December 22nd, however, I awoke to terrible pain and wet sheets. My water had broken and I knew from the severity and frequency of the contractions that Carson was coming as fast, if not faster, than Wyatt had (which had been fast enough in our book!). We knew we did not have much time and the hospital was a healthy drive away, so we quickly woke up Grandma to inform her of the good news and took off. In an effort to keep Brett calm, I played down the pain of the contractions, but I recall thinking, "We are never going to make it--I'm going to deliver this baby in the car!" Upon our arrival at the hospital the nurses did not belive me when I tried to tell them this was happening very quickly and that my body had even begun to bear down. (Why do nurses never believe you? I understand they probably have women tell them that all the time, but when you say to them, "My other delivery was very fast, my contractions are less than a minute apart, and I feel like I need to push" do they not take you somewhat seriously? They still putter around, humming to themselves, asking you to sign paperwork when I'm thinking, "Somebody please catch this baby!") We'd been at the hospital for just an hour, changing into hospital gowns and receiving an IV. As they tried to monitor the heartbeats, the computer would not work, so ironically, when I could tell the baby was coming out, we had probably 5 nurses working on the blasted computer, but nobody taking a second look at me. After trying to politely get their attention, I finally shouted, "He's coming! He's coming!" and fortunately one nurse took me for my word enough to take a look under sheet. Her face grew into shock as she yelled to the others that Carson was crowning. Hmmm...suddenly the computer wasn't so important anymore. Nurses began running everywhere, grabbing carts, sterilized tools, and towels. Three agonizing pushes later (remember, no epidural) I felt the relief of less pressure and waited to hear my baby cry. Nothing. I don't know how long it was, maybe only twenty seconds or so, but it was an anguishing wait. They swept him away to the cart behind him, did their magic, and finally, a deep satisfying wail. Considering how short my labor was, though intense, I was surprised at how tired I was. As much as I wanted to see my son, once I knew he was breathing and safe, suddenly I could not fight the sleep. My eyes kept rolling into the back of my head in an effort to stay awake, but I was losing this battle fast. I remember when they tried to put him in my arms, I said to Brett, "Take him--I'm so tired I can't lift my arms and I'm afraid I'll drop him". I finally did hold him a few minutes later, with Brett's assistance as I didn't trust my weary muscles. I looked at Brett and saw that he was crying, quite openly. Of course I was moved, but also surprised, as he hadn't cried at any of our other births. He had been simply joyously happy with a permanent smile. Now, when I ask him about it, he says he doesn't really know what made him weep so. He thinks maybe it was because the room was total chaos and he didn't know how to help me when I was obviously in great pain, or maybe tears were for those seconds when time stood still and we waited for our child to breathe, or finally if he cried because we had talked of this child being our last, and that he was crying for the experience he may never have again. At any rate, Carson's entry into this world was a whirlwind of drama and excitement!

8 lbs. 1 oz.

It was heavenly having my mother and father there for the first week of his life. Sharing those moments with them is something I'll never forget, always treasure. I was actually scared for them to return home, they'd been such a help and a blessing! Carson's big sister and brother could not have been more excited to meet him and finally have him home.

When I became pregnant with Carson, there were things going on in my life at that time that convinced me his coming to this earth was definitely mean-to-be, definitely part of Heavenly Father's plan, and that was a great comfort to me. It felt wonderful to be an instrument in the Lord's hand, as it had felt in Halle's and Wyatt's pregnancies, bringing spirits to this earth who needed to be here. I know they will all three do great things if they will hold to the rod and try their best to do the Lord's will.

For my birthday, Brett took me to dinner at McCormick & Schmick's,

where they print their seafood menus daily. I had called ahead

and had them print at the top of our menu the news that

we were expecting baby #3! It was a fun way to share

the surprising news to my better half!

Carson is a beautiful child--always has been. It's funny how kids change...in the beginning, he was Daddy's little boy, preferring to be held by him over anyone else. But recently, he's taken a strong attachment to his mama, which I don't mind at all. Last night, while I watched Polar Express with the kids on the couch, Carson and I had a moment where we just turned our heads and instead of watching the television, just stared at each other for a long time, whispering "I love you". We have those moments often, and I can't tell you how good it makes me feel to know that there are slivers of time when he wants to look at no one but me. It reminds me of holding him in the hospital as we introduced ourselves to one another.

For now, we do think we have had all the children we're going to have. I'm surprised because I always pictured myself with more. It's a decision that could change someday, but at present Brett and I both feel very peaceful and good about it. However, it does make watching your "baby" get older a bittersweet experience. I can see how it's easy for the last child to be a bit spoiled...I hope we don't do that, but I can see how it happens. You want to cling to their babyhood as long as you can, because you know you won't have that again.

I love you, Carson. You are strongwilled, stubborn, and so bright that you are sometimes to smart for your own good! But you are also funny, energetic, determined, independent, and affectionate--all qualities to your credit and our benefit. I cannot express the love that I have for you, and the gratitude I feel that you came into our lives.