Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts

Friday, August 10, 2012

more than just sticks and mud

Something significant happened at our house last week.  
A night of furious winds knocked a small nest out of a tree in the front yard.  
All that remains is a messy pile of leftover mud and sticks.


This wasn't the first blustery night the nest had endured, as it had been there for over a year.  My only guess is that it's perch in the tree had weakened because it had been vacant since spring and thus not been reinforced.  


When the nest's occupants were there, you could see the mother bird flying back-and-forth, back-and-forth, collecting twigs, grass, and mud to strengthen her home.  These two pictures above were taken last July.  You can see the baby bird's beak reaching up above the nest.  It was such a delight to hear their little chirps, begging for food.  When we took these photos, the mother was very still and you could tell she was on alert.  She was wary of us and what we were doing so close to her home.  I'm sure if we'd tried to cross that sacred threshold in an attempt for a closer look or to touch the birds we would have seen a fearsome side of her!

I picked the abandoned nest from the ground but something inside of me couldn't throw it away.  I felt like I was holding something almost sacred.  As I examined the craftsmanship from one of God's beautiful creatures, I was in awe of all the effort this mother bird had put into creating a place of refuge for her young.  How does a creature void of reason present such evidence of intelligence, design, and responsibility?  I imagine her decisively scavaging for just the right materials.  I can see in my mind's eye how determined she is as she carefully weaves twigs and grass, even the occasional treasured find of twine or yarn.  Holding it all together is a mortar she has made with mud and saliva.  She takes it step further, adding insulation to her work of art with feathers and more grass.

As she consciously selected her materials, I'm sure it must have taken time to find what she knew would best strengthen her nest.  Was she tempted to pick up the first twigs that she saw or was she enough aware of her purpose that she knew she must be particular?  Were twigs that at first glance seemed good enough but upon further examination discovered they would not benefit or fortify the kind of home she desired to build?

Parenting humans is not so different than mothering baby birds, I've decided.  We're working towards establishing a home of refuge and peace.  We yearn to create a place where our children feel confidence, acceptance, and love.  We desire to instill within them the knowledge that HOME is a tool they can use to progress in their goals, to achieve success.  So what kind of home are we building?  Unlike birds, we are creatures of reason (and opposable thumbs!).  Are we building our home with a focus?  To what end is our purpose?  Are we consciously weaving our refuge with materials that strengthen, fortify, and move us forward?  What kind of branches are we using as a foundation - are they strong, sturdy, sheltered from the elements?

I'm reminded of a story I read online about a woman  who delighted in a nest a bird had built in a tree just outside her door.  She checked on it often and one morning she saw four eggs had appeared sometime that week.  Eventually she heard the sweet sound of chirping baby birds.  Robin Van Wagenen, the author, continued her story:

"As time passed the chirping subsided, so I decided to check on things.  My heart sank when I realized tragedy had struck.  The danger had come not from without - but from within.  Two of the four young birds had grown up and flown away, but the other two had died, tangled by their feet in some plastic strands in th enest.  They had struggled to pull themselves free but could not do so.

I realized what went wrong.  When th emother bird had built her home, she used the usual twigs, branches, grass, and reeds.  But she had also been attracted to some colorful plastic strands that she wove throughout the nest.  They looked similar to natural materials, but they were a little flashier, a bit more shimmery.  They were not the same, however.  The plastic had no give, and when the two remaining baby birds had tried to get free, the articifial materials only pulled tighter."

The world assaults us daily with claims of bigger, better, newer.  The need to keep-up-with-the-Joneses and the mentality that we just "have to have it" in order to function and survive pushes us to place materal wants ahead of family necessities, financial peace, and even our time.  We're pushed not just towards products and distractions, but ways of thinking and standards of living.  Traditional standards, regardless that they come from scripture and a God that is unchanging, are considered "outdated" and old-fashioned.  All these things are presented in pretty boxes wrapped with shiny ribbon and bows.  How often do we let ourselves be drawn to the glitter and shimmer, tempted to weave them into our nest?  On the surface they seem harmless, but in the end will those be what restricts and holds us back?  Will they latch onto us and weaken our minds and resolve?

Holding this beautifully-woven structure in my hand, I recommit to a new awareness of what I am using to construct my own family's refuge.  I want my every-day-decisions to be focused on strengthening our family unit, creating a home of peace and confidence, and inspiring us to reach our divine potential. I'm motivated to make a more conscious effort to weave into our lives strands of courage, forgiveness, hard work, humor, testimony, and love.  Something that will withstand the gusts and blows life throws at us and insulate us from the elements of conformity and judgment that comes from those who find us old-fashioned and misunderstood.  I've a desire to be more selective about the things we bring into our home and ultimately into our hearts.

Each day I want to wake up and ask myself, 
WHAT WILL I DO TO 
STRENGTHEN OUR NEST TODAY?

Hope Sig1

Friday, May 4, 2012

Spring Fever!

The weather the past couple weeks has been magical!  
Completely perfect - 
not hot, not cold, JUST RIGHT!  
We've been taking advantage of it 
with lots of playtime outside.  

Carson was very excited about the idea of changing his 4-wheeler into a 2-wheeler by taking his training wheels off.  At least he WAS excited...until he got on it.  He's been very nervous about it now and we practically have to beg him to get on and try.  
 I know he can do it, but he's so nervous that right now he doesn't pedal hardly fast enough.  It may be that the training wheels will go back on until he decides he's REALLY ready.  But in the meantime, we're trying to tempt him by promising that as soon as he can ride this bike very well, with lots of practice, we'll take him shopping for a new, bigger bike.  We'll see...learning to ride a bike without assistance is truly a right of passage for all youth!


Even Charlotte loves it outside!  
Hope Sig1

where is my focus? where am i placing the most emphasis?

"As parents, we have been commanded to teach our children
'to understand the doctrine of . . . faith in Christ the Son of the living God' (D&C 68:25)
...faith is truly a spiritual gift worthy of our utmost efforts.
We can give our children education, lessons,
athletics, the arts, and material possessions,

but if we do not give them faith in Christ,
we have given little."
Elder Kevin W. Pearson of the Seventy


* * *
what do i focus on giving my children?
of all the opportunities and "things" i can offer my children,
into which ones do i exert the most energy and drive?

Hope Sig1

Monday, May 9, 2011

Help! What do you do with a kid who...


  • seems to have no remorse?

  • would rather ask forgiveness than permission?

  • would rather do the time if it means he can do the crime?

------------------

Today was a classic example of said child's literally "shameLESS" personality:

He played with play-dough happily for an hour.
When he was done he sat amongst bits of green play-dough scattered all over the kitchen counter along with the toy tools for the clay. He told me he was hungry and asked if he coudl have a banana.

"Sure," I said cheerfully (really, I said it cheerfully). "I'm happy to get you a banana as soon as you clean up the play-dough."

Weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth ensued. Apparently, I was being terribly unfair.

"I think you're just making me do it because you don't want to do it," my astute and sharp-as-a-tack son observed. (Wow, nothing gets by him.)

"You're absolutely right. Why should I clean up your mess? It will only take you a minute to do it and then you can sit and enjoy your banana."

I went upstairs to put the laundry in the dryer and when I came back down he was sitting on the couch playing with a different toy.

I stopped in my tracks and took a deep breath. "This is so sad, but I want you to know you will not be getting a banana until you clean up that play-dough."

Without even looking up at me, he continued to play with the toy and declares, "I decided I'm not cleaning it up. I decided you can do it."

Breathe, I told myself. Then I began counting inside my brain in attempt to not ring my child's neck. One, Two, Three, Four... "Wow, then this is really sad because if I have to clean it up you won't get to play with play-dough anymore."

He shrugged his shoulders and said with resignation, "That's okay. In a few days I'll get to play with it again and that's okay."

I started to clean it up and tell him, "I'm sorry you feel that way. It makes me sad that you're not willing to clean up your messes and that you are okay with making mommy do it. That's so sad that you would treat me that way. And it won't be just a few days. It will be for a few weeks that you won't get to play with the play-dough."

"Oh, well, that's okay too because guess what, Mom? I already ate my banana. I ate it while you were upstairs." Smug little son-of-a...

Opening the garbage I see that sure enough there is a freshly discarded banana peel in the top of the heap.

So now he's grounded from having any snacks between meals for the rest of today and tomorrow, but I am so sick of this attitude! This kid feels no regret for bad choices and certainly feels no sorrow or sincerity in his penitence.

He honestly just
DOES
NOT
CARE
how his choices make other people feel.

I know he's only 4 1/2 but that's old enough to have compassion, feel some degree of responsibility, and have a desire to not make wrong choices.

WHAT DO I DO?????

Monday, April 18, 2011

Monday, February 21, 2011

When I look in the mirror, I almost see THIS reflection staring back at me:



or at least that's what my kids apparently see when they look at me. There are outings with the children where I feel nothing more than a glorified pack mule.

"Here, Mom, hold my jacket."

"Here, Mom, hold my drink."

"Here, Mom, take my trash."

"Here, Mom, hold my [chewed] gum."

Sometimes I wonder if the only way I'll be able to get their attention is if I kick up my hind legs and bray.



Hope Sig1

Friday, August 20, 2010

what are my childrens' hopes, dreams, or fears? do i know?

"Where family meals are concerned, it's not the food, but the family interaction that nourishes the soul... Do you take the time to talk about their hopes and dreams and fears? ...For our interactions to truly touch their hearts, we have to pay attention to them just as we would a trusted adult colleague or close friend. Most important is letting them talk, then asking them questions, then being willing to listen. Yes, listen. And listen some more."


Friday, May 14, 2010

pockets & popsicle sticks: the solution to all my parenting woes???

This was yesterday's project: Behavior Pockets.

I made it in an attempt to curb the yelling, sassing, whining, and negativity that has been present in our home a little too much lately. Anytime the kids are demonstrating poor behavior, their stick gets moved to a pocket to the right. If they get to a red pocket, they begin to lose privileges. If the kids can go two weeks without getting two reds, we do a family activity, such as getting ice cream or going for a family bike ride, etc.

So far it seems to be working. If nothing else it gives me something to fall back on rather than resorting to red-faced high volume or threats of eminent death. ;)

And a big shout out to my pal, Margaret, for letting me borrow HER idea in the first place and helping me with the details!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

If you can laugh about it later, you might as well laugh about it now

I feel like the past 7 days have given me 3 experiences which I feel most parents can relate to in one way or another.

#1. The first one happened last week while shopping in Wal-Mart. One thing you should know about our feelings towards Wal-Mart. We love it in the sense that we can get the things we need in one location, things that sometimes are harder to find elsewhere. We also feel Wal-Mart is a necessity in our lives for our budget. However, I feel I spend too much time in Wal-Mart...not intentionally, just necessarily, and according to Brett, "after 30 minutes in Wal-Mart, one begins to lose braincells".

So...last week I'm at WallyWorld with Carson and Wyatt while Halle is at school. Carson's new game is throwing objects--any object--from the cart over and over (and over again). It's a game that gets old real fast, but I'd rather be bending down, picking up after him time and again than listen to him cry, so...it's the lesser of two evils. Wyatt's new game is his insistance over wearing his red baseball cap everywhere we go. During this particular shopping excursion, we'd been in the store for an hour when I realize the bottle is missing. The last time I remembered seeing Carson hold it was about 3 rows and 3 aisles back. SIGH...trudge the grocery-laden cart and the wandering 3-year old back towards the "Home" department and look for the bottle. Crawl on hands and knees to see if bottle is under the shelves. Nope. OK...give up. Accept bottle is gone. Get back to checking off grocery list. Twenty minutes later head up front to check out (Hallelujah!). After checking out, I am putting the bags into the cart--regarding this, by the way, I am always paranoid I haven't collected all my bags. I've had more occasions than I'd like to admit where I get home and realize a bag full of products I have PAID for was left at the store. Anyway, we check out and as we're leaving I see at Customer Service a BOTTLE sitting on the counter. YIPEE!! Praise be to the shopper who took the time to turn in a bottle. However, as I claim which is rightfully ours, I notice Wyatt's hair. Interesting, considering I shouldn't be able to see his hair, since his hat should be covering it! "Where's your hat?" The reply is a very casual, "Um, I don't know. It's lost." Incidentally, searching the vault of my memory the last time I can truly recall seeing the red cap was the same area I had last remembered seeing the bottle. (Beware: Possible Bermuda Triangle located in the "Home" department at Wal-Mart. Specifically the towel aisle.) SIGH. This was a cute hat--one that I even got on SALE for a killer deal at The Children's Place. I loved that hat. Since I'm already at customer service, I ask them about the hat. Not seen it. I leave my name and # in case it is found (which proves NOT to be helpful, as I never get that blessed phonecall). So, once again, I lug my two kids and $127-worth of groceries back to the klepto-aisle. Nope, not there. Now I am wearily pushing my over-filled cart, my soggy-diaper baby, and my heart-broken 3-year old back to the van, who has just truly realized the consequences of losing his favorite hat.

Doesn't it wear you out just reading about a trip to Wal-Mart?

#2. Yesterday morning, like every other morning, Wyatt insisted on "picking out his cereal"--as if we have so many boxes to choose from. This particular day he chose the box of corn flakes that was too tall for the shelf, so I had laid it on it's side. Because it was picked up at a weird angle, he accidentally held it upside down. The top flaps opened, as well as the plastic bag opening (of course, the plastic only remains partially close together when you are trying to pour and nothing is really coming out). Corn flakes EVERYWHERE. The entire contents of the box are now on my pantry and kitchen floor. I couldn't help myself. I busted up laughing. When he saw he had no need to fear me (this time...ha ha), he started chuckling himself and then gave a sincere, NON-PROMPTED, apology. It went something like this...he looked down, shook his head, and smacked his forhead with his palm. "Oh, my goodness. I am so so so sorry, Mommy!" Followed by another cute Wyatt chuckle. Good times at the Taft house! I took a picture. When I can figure it out, I will post it on here.

#3. Surprise, surprise, another Wal-Mart story. You know those moments when you think you should do something, but don't, and then seconds later you realize you totally should have listened to yourself??? Today I was at Wal-Mart (again). We'd been there over an hour. Wyatt had been extremely good, as had Carson. I was down the bread aisle, which always gives me hope because that means I am almost back to the check-out stands!!!! A few aisle back, Wyatt had asked if he could play with a plastic ring of beads I'd pulled out of my purse for Carson to chew on. "Sure," I say. Now that we are in the bread aisle, I notice Wyatt is no longer playing with them. "Where is the toy?" I ask. "I don't know," he says casually. "It must be lost." Had we been in the Home Department, I may have seriously began to have my suspicions about Wal-Mart. But so far my suspicions are reserved for ShopKo, where for the last three (yes, 3!) visits Wyatt's pull-up has been on funny or crooked or something and he has peed on the floor! (No joke...my family can vouch that bad things happen to me and my children's diapers when I'm in ShopKo). OK...back from the tangent. So this time, I am too tired to even look for the toy. It was 97 cents, for crying out loud. My time & energy is worth more than the toy. As we are talking about it being lost, however, I have stopped the cart and am trying to make Carson a bottle--he'd had it with this shopping trip and wants out of here. I take the lid/nipple off the bottle full of water, and place the bottle on a box of kleenex that is sitting in the back of the cart, while I get the formula out of the diaper bag. For a split-second I think, "I ought to move that so it doesn't tip over." Then I say to myself smartly, "Nah...it looks pretty sturdy and the formula's right here." Yep, that's when Carson looks behind him and as he tries to grab it knocks it over and spills water all over our groceries. And to top it all off he is now angry at MOM because he no longer has a bottle to drink! When I get to the check out, the lady looks at me funny because most of the water landed on a bunch of medicine boxes I'd bought (a box of Airbourne Tablets, a box of Children's Sudafed Cold & Cough, a box of DayQuil, and a box of Nighttime Cough...any guesses on what we're trying to ward away at our house?) and now the boxes are all soggy and gross. "Lady," I want to say, "I don't really care as long as you can still scan them. Thatta girl--scan away, scan away!"
"The democracy will cease to exist when you TAKE AWAY from those who are willing to work AND GIVE to those who would not."



Thomas Jefferson